2003-06-05 4:27 p.m.

I don't remember what it was for but she told me to wait for her in my room. I knew what was coming. I went there crying my eyes out in fear. My mind races, my panic builds...

(What's she gonna do this time? I hope I don't bleed. I'll have to protect my face. Don't want an ugly face. What's taking her so long? God why can't you get me out of this? It isn't like this with everyone... Why does it have to be this way. Please don't let her hit me, please. I'm so sorry. Whatever I did. I'm sorry.)

"Please don't hurt me mom" I scream. I jumped off the bed in defense as soon as she rushed in the room. "You know what to do" she said as she wrapped the belt around her fist so that the buckle hung down to hit me with. I screamed and cried and pleaded for her not to do this. I knew it was too much to take at this point in life. I was crossing the line of between weakening fear and self empowering courage. I droppped my pants and stopped sobbing.

The hot salty tears still streaming down my face in anger this time. I gritted my teeth and waited for the sting. I could feeel my flesh rise under the buckle with each blow. Each one threatening to bring me to my knees but I wouldn't give. She was screaming and crying now. " You want to act like an animal so I will treat you like an animal!" Guttural screams fill the room...those only rage pulls out of you. I checked over my shoulder to make sure they were really coming from her.

I wouldn't give anymore. I let her break me enough. This won't happen again. " Cry you animal I want to hear you cry!" she wailed behind me as the assault on my back and legs continued. I wouldn't. "say something" she said I merely retorted.... "are you done? I won't cry in fear anymore, mom. Those tears are used up."

She was exhausted. sat on the bed trying to catch her breath in between sobs cradling her head in her hands as I pulled up my pants and walked out the door.

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